Walgreen's Cashier Has Opinions

By Fenton Mewley

Cheesequake, NJ- Teenaged Brandy Larson, who runs the front register at the local Walgreen's Pharmacy, has been making quite a go of her newfound employment as a cashier. "I work Mondays and Wednesdays after school. Sometimes I even come in on the weekend if they're really short-handed," said Larson as she rung up a carton of Whoppers for an elderly gentleman.

Marc Spinson, who works at Bank of America, recently purchased some cigarettes while Larson was working. He tells the Neo Freudian Collective, "Yeah, I asked for a pack of Lucky Strikes and , instead of handing them to me, she explained to me how smoking was mega bad. Causes cancer of the larynx and such. I had to ask her several times before she let me pay for them and get home to my wife."

Spinson frequents the Walgreen's because it is very close to where he works. "Sometimes she gives me a hard time about rooting for the Eagles or tells me that my haircut is stupid. I guess it's nice that she cares so much."

Larson describes herself as a very outgoing person. "I love communicating with customers and giving advice. Like the other day, this old woman wanted to guy this lipstick but I told her it would make her look like a whore."

The Walgreen's shift manager, Bettie Dubois, spoke fondly of young Larson. "She really seems to have a rapport with her customers. It's more than just a job for her," Dubois said.

"I mean, earning money and being responsible is very important. I need to save up as much cash as I can because when I'm eighteen, I am so moving out. My step mom is such a bitch," remarked Larson as a young man handed her one dollar for a Snickers bar. Larson continued, "The only lousy part of this job is the music they play over the store intercom. I have to listen to all this gay-ass 80's shit. If they don't start playin' some Jessica Simpson, I'm so outta here."

Copyright 2004 Neo Freudian Collective